“I don’t want to do the same thing year after year. I don’t want to get another year down the line and realize, like I am now, that nothing has changed.” —Journal entry from June 19, 2019 In the midst of melting snow, the winter solstice creeps in unassumingly. Why did I even think to look it up this morning, the first thing I did after rolling out of bed and bending to touch my toes. Years ago, a therapist told me that bending forward, folding yourself in half, resets your vagal nerve and …
honest thoughts
October 28
Finally, in the backyard, some of the colors are starting to shift. Around the periphery are trees turning yellow all at once, as if on command. It’s happening slowly, but I’ve been paying a lot of attention this year, annoyed that the main trees that cover the yard remain stubbornly green. Those trees stay green until they are suddenly brown and dropping in one giant crash that makes a huge mess. Out there somewhere, I know trees are turning orange and red and gold. Some trees are already …
Thoughts on Turning 39
On the night of my birthday, I am lying in bed with my son so we can pray before he goes to sleep. Most nights, our prayers are focused on thankfulness, expressing our gratitude for something that day. Tonight, though, I suggest something else. “Let’s take turns praying for each other,” I say. “Tell me what you want me to pray for you and I’ll pray, then we’ll switch.” He tells me his eight-year-old gratitudes, and I whisper words to God. Then it’s his turn to pray for me: “Dear Lord, thank …
Wanting to Be Transformed
I had two dreams last night. In one of them, I was visiting the only house where my mother, father, brother, and I lived together before my parents divorced. I walked down a hallway, turned to the right, and found myself in a room I didn’t recognize. It looked like an old office or maybe a newsroom with old wooden desks and swivel chairs. I don’t remember this, I thought in the dream. But I kept going. In the next room was a recording studio, all warm wood paneling and glass. A blond woman …
Somewhere Someone is Holding Hope
“Deep down, people seem glad to know that monks are praying, that poets are writing poems. This is what others want and expect of us, because if we do our jobs right, we will express things others may feel, or know, but can’t or won’t say.” —Kathleen Norris, The Cloister Walk Somewhere out there, someone is praying. Someone is praying for you because you are part of the world. Someone is thinking of you because you belong to the human race, soul and body and spirit. Someone out …