It’s hard to untangle the mess of last year, now that we’re in a new year with a fresh start. I chose the word nurture as my word of the year, hoping to gain more peace and rest, to step out of the hustle and be able to listen to the voice in my heart again. That’s exactly what nurture did for me, which wasn’t surprising. The surprising part was how—how it ripped away dreams and jobs, how I struggled within myself to let go of what I didn’t need anymore, how my family life and marriage …
personal
Remember Who You Are: Some Thoughts on Turning Thirty-Seven
For my birthday, I made cider donuts instead of cake. It’s taken a few years, but I’ve finally figured out that we’re not cake people. We make a cake, eat it that first night, then it sits for days until it gets crusty or ants find it, both of which are gross and a huge waste. And because we have four gallons of fresh apple cider, I thought maybe birthday donuts would be interesting. I crossed my fingers and hoped they’d turn out. Making a cake would have been easier. At least, a box cake …
Maybe We’re the Gilmore Girls
Lily tiptoes into my bedroom, but I don’t hear her. She gently taps me on the shoulder. “Mom,” she says, giving me a little shake. I blink my eyes open, trying to make out her shape in the darkness. “What is it?” I ask, but I already know what she’s going to say. She woke up and can’t get back to sleep. I pull the blanket back and slide over to make room for her. She climbs in, not hoisting herself up like she did a few years ago, but gently slinking into the bed and under the covers. She is …
Silence and Failure
More and more, I’ve been craving silence. The world is a noisy place, and I’ve been hungry for less noise and more heart. So, for Lent, I gave up listening to podcasts. It’s not that my listening was out of control, but I wanted to reduce the number of voices in my head. It’s easy to flip on a podcast, to temper the quiet with voices, even far away ones coming through earbuds or car speakers. It’s easy to take in more and more. It’s not quite so easy to sit with silence and listen for …
Here I Sit and Curiosity
Here I sit at my desk in the upstairs room. My husband just left for a hunting weekend, and we put our kids on the bus an hour ago. I did the dishes, vacuumed the dirty floors, and lit the candle I bought the other day when the house was hot and I couldn’t stand another minute of sitting in this upstairs room trying to write. This morning, I took a minute to read a few essays online that I had bookmarked, one of which suggested starting an essay with the words “Here I sit,” which seems as …