Connection

Last week, a friend sent me a note wishing me a happy birthday. She added that she hopes I will have a year of connection. And I thought, ‘Yes! That’s exactly what I want.’

I also thought, ‘Why isn’t that easier?’ The connection, I mean. I recognize my need for it, seek it out, flounder around a bit, and seem to come up short. Wasn’t this easier in college? I can’t be the only one.

I’ve emailed back and forth with this friend many times in the last few months, astounded that we’ve never met in real life but that I have her email and physical addresses. I can markedly explain the impact she’s made in my life (one being that she pointed me to this podcast and this one, and I love them both). Occasionally, she’ll send me a note and it always resonates deeply with me. I love that.

And she’s not the only one! Over the years, I’ve collected many of these friends as I’ve fumbled around the internet. Some I met through Flickr, others through my old blog or now Instagram. Many of them are close friends, which seems weird because I haven’t met them in real life. But they comprise my tribe, and they are often where I can turn, for better or worse.

Maybe that’s because we found each other most often through our passions — photography, storytelling, crafting, writing. Maybe it is like college, only instead of taking a class together, we’re coming together to bond over a common experience. We’re living and sharing our lives, and connecting.

But then there’s the offline world, which seems a little harder to navigate, in many ways because the real people in my life see me a little clearer. Real life is messy, and it’s easier to hide the messy parts online. I seek the connection, but it doesn’t come as easily. Maybe because it’s easier to check the internet than make time to get a cup of coffee and talk. Whatever it is, it’s hard, but I’m trying.

I want to connect. I want to feel a sense of belonging. That, I think, is a large part of why I’m blogging again. I love the community and the connection. I love sharing the good, and lamenting the bad. Like I said, I’m in. I’m ready for a year of connection.