Fearless: What Does It Mean Now?

Now that it’s March, I can feel my one little word slipping away from me a bit. Fearless. What does it mean now? I’m feeling a bit like I’ve already taken some of those fearless steps; do I get a break now?

For this month’s OLW prompt, we were asked to make a list of specific action steps to help us live out our words. I haven’t done it yet. To be honest, making a list of specific ways I want to incorporate fearless into my life scares the crap out of me. But I’ll do it sometime this month and hope that maybe a little bit of that fearless magic will kick in. We were also asked to answer two questions, which I think are worth a bit of consideration:

1. How are you connected to your word (or not) right now?
2. Where are your biggest struggles currently?

I woke up yesterday in a funk, all these thoughts running through my mind: Why am I doing all this? Why am I trying so hard? What’s next for me? I know this is response to the Skillshare class, which built to a giant crescendo, then splashed all over my life. I developed the concept, wrote the outline, filmed the videos, edited them, launched the class, and promoted it (and I’m still promoting it). Each one of those steps required fearlessness and, from the moment I got the email from Skillshare asking me to teach a class, I knew this was going to taking me up, over, and through the mountain of fear between where I stood in the first week of January and where I stand now.

For now, fearless is looking at the empty space where all that work took place and asking what’s next? without climbing under the table and hiding or throwing myself a pity party. The truth is, I don’t know what’s next. I have some ideas kicking around in my head, projects I want to start and things I want to write. I’ve started getting inquiries about portrait sessions for the spring (and photographed a family this past weekend). I’m trying to take it one step at a time. But part of me wants to totally freak out. Fearless is helping me to not.

Fearless is also helping me mend a relationship that’s been broken for more years that I can count on my fingers. It’s helping me navigate my feelings about putting our house on the market this spring. It’s keeping me open and vulnerable as I share glimpses of my life at hello there, friend. It’s pushing me to believe that my body will hold up as I start training for a half marathon. It’s helping me slow down, listen, and seek out what’s important, rather than whatever seems urgent at the time.

The uncertainty can be unbearable, but I’m learning to let go. Often, when I am quiet, I think about the scripture that talks about the birds flitting about not worrying about where their food will come from, and the lilies in the field not worrying about how they are clothed. They don’t worry; they just live, and trust that God will take care of them.

To me, right now, that’s fearless. Living my one wild and precious life each day is fearless.