Getting Back to Food

It’s been about a week now since I took the restrictions off my diet. After the Whole 30 debacle of early January, I stayed off sugar, alcohol, and processed foods for the rest of the month. Even that was rough, but it got easier. I never realized how dependent I was on food as a reward. Having a tough day? Reach for the chocolate chips. A good day? Let’s celebrate with wine.

Indulgences and treats had slid into the territory of my everyday. I had gotten off track, eating too much processed food like canned soup for dinner and potato chips for lunch. I wasn’t considering how many vegetables I ate or how many handfuls of chocolate chips I shoveled into my mouth (chocolate chips were clearly a problem for me). And cocktail hour was mandatory.

It felt good to clear all of that away, even if it meant working through the psychological attachment I had to those things. I liked that component of Whole 30, that we should release our mental dependency on food in order to make better food choices. It definitely worked, but not without a little (a lot of) whining, grumbling, and complaining.

Surprisingly, though, I didn’t find it that hard to give up sugar. My kids usually have dessert after dinner, something small like m&m’s or (you guessed it) chocolate chips, and I found it very easy to say no thank you as they continually tried to push chocolate on me. I was tempted by a cookie once, but I stood firm.

Alcohol was tougher because of the dichotomy of “I had a hard day, let’s drink” and “I had a fantastic day, let’s drink.” There’s always an excuse to drink. But once I was able to talk myself through those thoughts and see that it wasn’t that big of a deal not to drink, not drinking wasn’t a problem.

Now that February is here, the restriction of sugar and alcohol is lifted and I am free to eat whatever I want again. I fell off the wagon with bread pudding and red wine. I’ve had tortilla chips. I ate a cupcake. None of this was a big deal, but I feel very conscious of what I’m consuming and how much, mostly because I don’t want to fall back into the everyday indulgence trap.

I also don’t want to give up anything permanently. I don’t want to give up sugar and not be able to eat birthday cake with my kids. I don’t want to give up booze and not be able to celebrate with friends. I don’t want to give up meat or wheat or dairy; I just want to find balance.

A few years ago, I read Nina Planck’s Real Food: What to Eat and Why, and it changed my eating habits. I’m trying to re-adapt Planck’s definition of real food in my life: that it’s old and traditional. Old meaning food that has been around a long time and traditional meaning food that’s prepared the way it was before the industrialization of food. If the food existed more than a hundred years ago, I’m eating it. If I can make it from scratch, I’m eating it. It’s not a perfect system (or a legalistic one), but it’ll do for now.

It’s all about balance. A little of this, a little of that. No restrictions, just limits. I want to enjoy what I eat, not just mindlessly consume it. For now, that’s where I’ll focus.