Show Up and Be Seen

When I first met my husband, I was in the process of joining the Peace Corps. I had applied and was in the process of setting up an interview when Adam and I crossed paths. I was also a graduate student in creative writing, preparing to leave school without completing my thesis because I felt a strong need to go do something.

To say I was obsessed was an understatement. I talked to anyone and everyone I could about traveling abroad. I read constantly. I was scared out of my wits, but the thought of facing the world as an ordinary citizen after the completion of my degree scared me just as much. I certainly didn’t expect to meet the man I’d marry. I, at the tender age of 23, thought there was a high likelihood no one would ever marry me.

But I never went into the Peace Corps. Like I said, I met Adam and we decided to go on our own adventure. We got married only a few months after meeting and moved 1,200 miles south with no plan except to stick together. It was a good plan, we thought. Our love would carry us through. And, thankfully, it has. Now we are back where we started, geographically speaking, more than nine years later, now with a daughter, a son, a dog, and a cat in tow.

Maybe a lot of people would think, ‘Who cares that you applied to the Peace Corps. If you didn’t actually go, it doesn’t count.’ And I can’t say I disagree. I used to think throwing that nugget around earned me some street cred, but it doesn’t. It does, however, speak to something that I’ve come to recognize as a part of me: I’m willing to go for it. Whatever it is, I’m willing to try. And that, I think, is a good thing.

Except when it isn’t. Because it requires risk. Like marrying a guy I just met and moving away from everything I know. Or switching careers a couple of times. Or continuing to dream big even when things feel like they’re falling apart. I like to think that I’m brave, but the thing about being brave is, you actually have to be brave. It’s not always that easy.

After reading Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly this summer, I have thought a lot about what she says about vulnerability, risk, and how we need to “show up and be seen.” Which is why I’m here. I did some soul searching and daydreaming and decided that I wanted to share my writing and photography here because, well, I feel like I have something to share. I’m willing to take the risk again and put myself out there, hopefully to find something beautiful in the process. Or make something beautiful, or share something beautiful. Whatever it is, I’m in.