Lily tiptoes into my bedroom, but I don’t hear her. She gently taps me on the shoulder. “Mom,” she says, giving me a little shake. I blink my eyes open, trying to make out her shape in the darkness. “What is it?” I ask, but I already know what she’s going to say. She woke up and can’t get back to sleep. I pull the blanket back and slide over to make room for her. She climbs in, not hoisting herself up like she did a few years ago, but gently slinking into the bed and under the covers. She is …
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Pizza Dough by Heart
I haven’t made pizza dough in over a year. I used to make it all the time, at least once a week like clockwork. I’d pull out the old Betty Crocker Cookbook because, even though I made the dough week after week, I never memorized the recipe. But I liked pulling out that old book. My father-in-law sent it to my husband, along with a half-dozen others, when Adam applied to be a firefighter. He hadn’t been hired yet, but my father-in-law must have had a hunch that he would. Every firefighter needs …
The Photos that Cheer Us Up
On my refrigerator is a photograph I took of my daughter Lily right before she turned two. A few months ago, while my husband Adam was cleaning out the basement, he found it and handed it to me, a big smile on his face. “Do you remember this?” he asked. “Yeah, I do,” I said, taking the photo in my hand. “I took this at that restaurant on the Causeway. We were sitting outside, but they made us move in because it was too windy and the umbrellas were almost bending in half.” I looked closer …
Things We Carry on Mother’s Day
I wish I could say I’ve always liked Mother’s Day. I can see how, if you have a good relationship with your mother, the day pops up in the middle of May like a reminder: Remember how much you love the woman who mothered you. Tell her. I would stand in the card aisle at the grocery store pulling down cards one by one, reading them and scoffing. My relationship with my mother has never been the kind you’d put in a greeting card. No one wants to send a card that says, “I struggle with loving …
Silence and Failure
More and more, I’ve been craving silence. The world is a noisy place, and I’ve been hungry for less noise and more heart. So, for Lent, I gave up listening to podcasts. It’s not that my listening was out of control, but I wanted to reduce the number of voices in my head. It’s easy to flip on a podcast, to temper the quiet with voices, even far away ones coming through earbuds or car speakers. It’s easy to take in more and more. It’s not quite so easy to sit with silence and listen for …