I made the cider donuts, all that sugary goodness, but not before I burned my wrist because I wasn’t wearing an oven mitt. Because the kids were bickering in the other room. Because I grabbed what I could get my hands on. Because I wasn’t paying attention. It wasn’t the first time. A year and a half ago, on my daughter’s tenth birthday, I burned the same wrist pulling cupcakes out of the oven. Now I have two marks—one healed, the other fresh—as evidence of my neglect. This new one doesn’t …
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October 14
In the middle of the afternoon, I stand in the kitchen holding an egg and trying to determine if it’s been sitting out long enough to be considered room temperature. The egg has been out of the fridge for about an hour, sitting in a tiny blue bowl on the counter. In that time, I’ve wandered around the house looking for pockets of sunshine to warm my feet. Now I stand in the kitchen with its tiny white shell in my hand. My hand is warm, and the egg feels cool, but I have no clue what that …
October 9
Notes from a week: I am standing in the kitchen on Tuesday, and it’s nearly black outside. I flip on the kettle. It’s only one p.m. A storm blows through. All day I wander around. It feels like something’s missing, but I can’t put my finger on it. I’m still in pain. I tell my daughter it’s like having the TV on all the time and trying to find quiet. My body is always buzzing with pain. *** I miss the sound of my own voice, the way it felt to hear it coming out of my mouth in ripples …
October 5
I’m standing in the library in front of the new books section. I haven’t picked up a book in almost two weeks, the last one a deep disappointment after a string of intense and somewhat distressing reads. They all had one thing in common: they came from recommendations I found on the internet. I’m learning that may not be a good thing. After so many losers, I cut ties with books for a bit. I focused on other endeavors and didn’t miss reading all that much, which is surprising. I’ve read …
September 30
September ends like a box of melted crayons, color bleeding everywhere. Fall is finally here. I’m buried beneath it all, taking a deep breath and moment to rest. Bury me in leaves. Litter the blue sky with yellow and orange. The whole world is shifting and ever the question: am I paying attention? Sometimes I stop just to wonder. I stare out the window doing nothing, take a nap in the hammock, leaves fluttering around me. I feel my way, minute by minute. Rest is always on my to-do …