This was a week of pain. All my plans fell apart at the seams, threads unraveling everywhere, fabric unspooling on the floor. I was untethered, unmoored, adrift, bereft. My body hurt, my hip, a pain descending from my back. Every moment, the pain followed and I mostly ignored it. I saw the chiropractor a couple of times and convinced myself it would go away, no problem. But a month later, it’s a problem. I was awake half the night, no way to get comfortable. In the middle of the night, I …
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September 21
Instead of sitting at my desk this morning, I sit at the kitchen table. The sun draws long lines through the bay window and warms my legs while I write. On the table are a pile of notebooks, my journal, three anthologies of short stories, a pile of sticky notes, and a sharpie. Tomorrow is the autumn equinox. There will be exactly one hundred days left in the year. A hundred round, perfect days and a new season. Sounds like the start of something. My mind starts to wander, a balloon …
September 17
6 a.m. Water. Psalm 22. Five minutes of silence. Pumpkin spice coffee. Affirmations: "When I write, I am..." Mary Oliver. My daughter wakes and ends the quiet. Today is the first day I will be alone in more than a month. Husband at work, kids at school. Yesterday I made a list so I won’t lose my way and end up on the couch all day. Unless the couch is where I need to be. I’m not sure yet. 7 a.m. Daughter on the bus, son still asleep. Big Magic. Write note: “Ideas are looking for human …
September 16
i. All morning the sun lifts itself higher into hazy skies. It’s not its usual bright September white against blue but a gooey orange, more like an early summer morning. I saw that summer sun dozens of times this year, as I tiptoed across the house while everyone else slept. It cracked its egg self each morning while I sat at my desk tripping over words. No meaning, no triumph. Nothing like a sunrise or even a broken egg. What I would have given to touch that rich yolk, even for a …
September 14
The other day, my father-in-law dropped off an old hammock that now sits in the middle of our backyard where I am lying and swinging lightly. The weather is breezy and sunny, the air crisp and alive. Fall is on its way, if it isn’t already here. It’s too early to tell. Everything is still green, but if you look closely there’s a bit of red and yellow on the fringe, working its way from the outside in. I lie in the hammock with no shoes on. It feels perfect. One of the hummingbirds that’s …